Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk? Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee.

If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right.

The audience is never wrong.