If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can't say I'm glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

Comedy is tragedy plus time.