People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows.

People invite me to dinner not because I can cook, but because I like to clean up. I get immediate gratification from windex. Yes, I do windows.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing!

I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee.

I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.

I have a great memory.