I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was Hang up, I got it!

I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.

When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.

Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.

My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.

I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.