I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.

When you're single again, at the beginning you're very optimistic and you say, 'I want to meet someone who's really smart, really sweet, really sensitive.' And six months later you're like, 'Lord, any mammal with a day job.

All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.

My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.

I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.