I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.

I've seen too many comics who got their own shows and were undone because they worked for an executive producer who didn't understand their comedy or their sensibility.

My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.

I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.