Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.

Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.

I was watching Maury Povich the other day. He had these people on who say that they've had near death experiences. Do you ever notice they always say the same thing? 'I remember seeing this really bright, white light.' It's like, of course, you pinhead, it's the paramedic looking in your pupils with a penlight.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'

My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.

My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.