You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.

I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.

I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.

My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.