I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

When do we put on the lingerie? Always at the beginning of the relationship - first couple of months, strutting around the bedroom wearing a teddy. Yeah, six months later, you've stopped shaving your legs and you look like a teddy.

Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.

I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.

I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it.