I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.

I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it.

I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.