My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.

It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience; it's called 'Tester.

Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.

There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.