Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose 'em I never knew existed before.

They got a lot of kids now whose uniforms are so tight, especially the pants, that they cannot bend over to pick up ground balls. And they don't want to bend over in television games because in that way there is no way their face can get on the camera.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

You can get into the greatest business in the world because you can manufacture money by yourself on the field.

Left-handers have more enthusiasm for life. They sleep on the wrong side of the bed, and their head gets more stagnant on that side.

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds.