Preseason is just a way to screw fans out of money.

It's the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife.

To me, there's only 5 real jobs in America: Police Officers, Teachers, Firefighters, Doctors, and the Military Service.

I don't think of myself as giving interviews. I just have conversations. That gets me in trouble.

I came to the realization a couple months ago that I am fat. If you get tired from walking - and that's all that golf is - then you are officially fat.

If a guy drew a charge on me, I tried to kick him in the balls.

If all babies are so cute, how the hell do we have so many ugly people in the world?