Listening to a woman is almost as bad as losing to one. There are only three things that women are better at than men: cleaning, cooking, and having sex.

I'm a mad dog whose only concern is winning.

Everything gets blamed on the Clintons, every single thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.

I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I said, 'You got a pen on you?'

I'm just what America needs: another unemployed black man. (on his retirement from basketball)

I was a Republican until they lost their minds

It ain't like we're curing cancer or anything, we're watching basketball.