Listening to a woman is almost as bad as losing to one. There are only three things that women are better at than men: cleaning, cooking, and having sex.

There's nobody you'd rather beat than your good friend.

I have nothing against old people; I want to be one myself one day.

The word conservative means discriminatory practically. It's a form of political discrimination. What do the Republicans run on? Against gay marriage and for a war that makes no sense. A war that was based on faulty intelligence. That's all they ever talk about. That and immigration. Another discriminatory argument for political gain.

These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.

I don't worry about playing basketball; that comes natural. I just want to have fun. David Robinson, Patrick Ewing, Michael Jordan: this is like spring break in the ghetto.

Look, I'm in the top 20 of players who ever lived.