I'm not paid to be a role model. I'm paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court.

But when I see a story on welfare on television, they only show black people.

This is why I hate white people. You guys try to turn everything into a racial issue.

If somebody hits you with an object you should beat the hell out of them.

Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself.

If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing.

If ifs were gifts, every day would be Christmas.