When you get arrested it's in big letters. When you get acquitted it's in small letters.

Thank God for Jerry Springer's show. I thought only black folks were that screwed up until I watched Jerry Springer.

Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey.

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.

On his homesickness during the Barcelona Olympics -I miss America. I miss crime and murder. I miss Philadelphia. There hasn't been a brutal stabbing or anything here the last 24 hours. I've missed it.

Every time I hear the word conservative it makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes, barring overtime.