These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.

It bothers me when I hear these reporters and jocks get on TV and say: 'Oh, no guy can come out in a team sport. These guys would go crazy.' First of all, quit telling me what I think. I'd rather have a gay guy who can play than a straight guy who can't play.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.

I'm never embarassed.

I have nothing against old people; I want to be one myself one day.

They don't let many black people in the governor's mansion in Alabama, unless they're cleaning.

I read that heavy drinking is bad for your health. I decided I better stop reading.