Why me, lord? Don't answer that!

It's a mistake to try to avoid the unpleasant things in life... But I'm beginning to consider it.

You know what Oscar Wilde said, ma'am? He said, "nothing that is worth knowing can be taught". Nothing personal, ma'am... Carry on.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.

Dear Santa Claus, just a last note before you take off. I hope you have a nice trip. Don't forget to fasten your seat belt.

A glacier will frequently move forward one foot while retreating three feet... Which reminds me a lot of myself!

Bob Dylan will be thirty years old this month..." "That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard.