Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

Wouldn't it be nice if our lives were like VCRs , and we could 'fast forward' through the crummy times?

If you can't beat 'em, cooperate 'em to death!

I have observed that whenever you try to hit somebody, there is a tendency for them to try to hit you back.

Here I am flying high over enemy lines in my Sopwith Camel searching for the Red Baron. Who's that behind me? It's the Red Baron! He has me in his sights! Give my regards to Broadway.

This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.

I don't think God wants to be worshiped. I think the only pure worship of God is by loving one another, and I think all other forms of worship became a substitute for the love that we should show one another.