I have deep feelings of depression... What can I do about this?' 'Snap out of it! Five cents, please.

You know what I think my best quality is? I think I'm nice to have around. I'd hate it if I weren't around!

I'm dying and all I hear are insults!

Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?" ...Then a voice comes to me out of the dark and says, "We hate to tell you this but life is a thousand word essay.

Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.

Aren't the clouds beautiful? I could just lie here all day, and watch them drift by.