The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.

Sometimes, when you're really depressed, all you want to do is nothing. All you want to do is lean your head on your arm, and stare into space. Sometimes this can go on for hours. If you're unusually depressed, you may have to change arms.

Dear Valentine, I love you. Whoever you are.

What if everyone in the whole world suddenly decided to run away from his problems?" "Well, at least we'd all be running in the same direction!

Here I am flying high over enemy lines in my Sopwith Camel searching for the Red Baron. Who's that behind me? It's the Red Baron! He has me in his sights! Give my regards to Broadway.

When no one loves you, you have to pretend that everyone loves you.

What's this? That little red-haired girl dropped her pencil... Gee... It's got teeth marks all over it... She nibbles her pencil... She's human!