That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.

Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card.

The hand that controls the supper dish rules the world!

I'm dying and all I hear are insults!

Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about all the dumb things I do every day... If I live to be eighty and I do ten dumb things each day... That would be about two hundred and ninety thousand dumb things... When you add up all the dumb things you do, it's best to use round figures.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.

Have you ever known anyone who was happy? And was still in his right mind, I mean.