You can have rules at home that are different from the rest of the world's as long as you're not hurting anyone.

Shut your evil mucus-hole you truth terrorist. You LOSE every time a mirror implodes from your barbed and gristle image.

I knew if I got loaded I was going away for a while. People would say, Oh, you're just sober because you're on probation.

Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.

I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.

When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.

Guys want to be respected and acknowledged. They want to feel what they contributed matters.