It's not an act. I love it. It's totally original. People go, 'What's going on with this guy? Why does he sound so weird? What is going on in his brain. I don't know. Just one day I suddenly woke up with a new brain.

I'm bi-winning. I win here, I win there.

You’ve read about the goddesses, come on. They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.

Just tell the truth and you're home free. If there are amends to be made, you make them. You own it and move on.

What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.

There's a lot of stuff I want to do, just things that I want to explore that don't involve show business. I'm going to become a television critic. Can you imagine? But I would even consider becoming a baseball scout. Traveling around the heartland looking for the next world-beating phenom.

Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.