I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?

Angelina Jolie’s older brother James Haven, the one she made out with, has a license plate on his SUV that reads Shiloh. Maybe it’s not that weird. After all, he could be the father.