I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.

My life and my legs have been an open book.

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.