I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

[Late-night host] is not really a job for a woman. You can't have kids and be a late-night host.I mean Samantha Bee has children, but you're there all day and all night. No one has a life outside of it. I would never try to have a family. I care much more about a career anyway, than having a family, so that's my own prerogative. It's just not something that a woman.

I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.

I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.

There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.