I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.

Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'

I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.

Let's all help each other be a little bit better at being human beings.