My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

I like to just follow what I find compelling. In order for me to be compelling, I have to be compelled. I don't try to think about what people are interested in seeing, I have to be interested. For me, that works the best.

When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.