My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.

The only thing worse than dating a single mom is dating a single mom that won't put out.

That's the problem in my industry. Anyone can go and open a f - ing hotel. Anyone can go and buy a restaurant. It's not like a doctor or a lawyer, you need certain qualifications. That's the issue.

Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.