I probably get one or two days off every five or six weeks.

The worst day ever was when I found out my grandfather was going to die.

When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.

If you're able to build from your falls you'll be unstoppable and damn near fearless. You see, every time you fall down and get back up, you add another piece of body armor to yourself. You learn what not to do, how to do better, and how to create comfort through practice.

Bowling really was a big American sport in the '50s, '60s, and '70s, and then it kind of died off in the '80s.

The thing about hipsters is that they take very seriously trying to make themselves look like they don't take themselves seriously.

Twitter is basically text messaging. Twitter is a guy you can always elbow in the side and say, "Hey, look, a guy in a clown suit just threw up!" And I don't have 400-800 words to say about that, I just wanted to say that one thing.