I honestly think hipsters eat with their assholes because they consume everything wrong.

Worry is a misuse of your imagination.

When I was younger, my parents used to say, "Trust us on this. We have more experience than you." And I was like, "Shut up, you don't know anything!" But I was an idiot. They did know more stuff because they'd experienced more things.

Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.

I am a freelancer. My services are available to anyone at any time.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.