Twitter is really a hyper-distilled version of how the internet should work - short bursts of relatively useful information.

It's so much easier to give advice than to take it.

I like listening to people talk about things that they love. They get to express things they don't normally get to express.

Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.

I've always had a fondness for that satirical, Terry Gilliam - esque evil corporate megastructure, the kind of business that hangs banners that say making your life better as it throws kittens into the gears.

If you're going into stand-up, you're hyper-analyzing the world and asking as many questions about a thing as you possibly can so you can figure out the ultimate nature of that thing.

Sober strip clubs are horrible. When you are sober you see the matrix code behind a strip club. You're paying girls to pretend to like you until you run out of money so they can walk away.