Twitter is really a hyper-distilled version of how the internet should work - short bursts of relatively useful information.

When you first start working, you take whatever job is offered, because you have to build your resume. But you don't think about what you're building.

If you're going into stand-up, you're hyper-analyzing the world and asking as many questions about a thing as you possibly can so you can figure out the ultimate nature of that thing.

Be offended by everything or be offended by nothing.

Bowling really was a big American sport in the '50s, '60s, and '70s, and then it kind of died off in the '80s.

Don't tell television, but there is some superior programming being made on the Interwebz.

The worst day ever was when I found out my grandfather was going to die.