When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

When I hear people talk about juggling or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy because sacrifice infers that there was something better to do than the thing - than being with your children.

I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?