When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.

I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.