Babies don't know who's rich and who's poor. You love 'em and they're happy.

When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.

When you're doing a big-budget movie and you're four on the call sheet, you've got a lot of free time.

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?

A lot of racism going on in the world right now. Who's more racist? Black people or white people? Black people. You know why? 'Cuz we hate black people too! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people really don't like about black people.

I took my AlDS test. You start reflecting... You start thinking about every nasty, skank-ass... It's like the movie Scrooge, and the Ghost of Pussy Past comes.