Chris Rock Quotes

Why do people do yoga? To clear their minds? I embrace the clutter in my head.

I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.

When you're making a real documentary, you shoot it and the movie happens. You don't make - this sounds corny - you don't make a documentary, a documentary makes you. It really does.

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. Oh my God, they're $4 million in the hole.

Carol Leifer is funny, really funny.

Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession.

People really cared more about women's hair. But nobody takes you seriously with Jheri curls is what we've deduced. If you got an Afro and you go "Fight the power" people will follow you. If you got a Jheri curl, people just laugh.

I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one. And they don't recognize comedy, and you don't see a lot of black people nominated, so why should I watch it?

If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart.

The U.S government hates rap music

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You're a comedian; you're not just a Black comedian. You're a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.

I get approached to do shows all the time. There's a lot of money in sitcoms, but I've never been the kind of guy who wanted to do one. I don't think people want to see me saying "Honey, I'm home." It's just not my thing.

There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking about what they see. But we seldom talk about what we feel.

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.

I love black people, but I hate niggers.

No, I want big ol' titties in my face!

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

There's a difference between racism and "I don't know any better. I'm clueless." Racism is like, "I'm trying to make you feel bad." That's racism.

All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it. That's it! What, you think you're better than somebody from France 'cause you came out of a pussy in Detroit?

If poor people knew how rich rich people are, there would be riots in the streets.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

They're working their way down. Next year, Todd Bridges gets the award. When I was a kid I wanted to be Eddie Murphy and now I'm a rip-off of Eddie Murphy.

I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law."

I am just here to support the President of the United States. President of the United States is our boss, but he is also... you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen, and when you don't it will usually bite you on the ass later on. So, I'm here to support the President.

One of my daughters told me the other day, "Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy." I told her, "Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?"

When you're doing a big-budget movie and you're four on the call sheet, you've got a lot of free time.

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I'd say, 'You're crazy!'

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

Kids raised on a culture of “We’re not going to keep score in the game because we don’t want anybody to lose.” Or just ignoring race to a fault. You can’t say “the black kid over there.” No, it’s “the guy with the red shoes.” You can’t even be offensive on your way to being inoffensive.

Black movies don't have real names, they have names like Barbershop. That's not a name, that's just a location.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.

I do what I can do when I can do it.

I ain't shootin' nobody. So call me a faggot! When the war's over, I'll be the faggot with two legs, thank you!

When people try to read between the lines - critics, they have a job. Their job is to make something bigger than it is.

I've remade a few movies and they all have one thing in common: great endings. If you're going to remake something, make sure that ending is tight. It's a little less challenging, if you have a great ending. If you don't have a great ending, don't remake the movie.

Money is the best lotion in the world.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.