You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack.

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast.

I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I'd be dead serious. It would happen a lot. So it was like, Gee, I've got something here.

You can't have anything valuable in your house. Niggers will break in and take it all! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people don't like about black people. It's like our own personal civil war. On one side, there's black people. On the other, you've got niggers. The niggers have got to go. I love black people, but I hate niggers. I am tired of niggers. Tired, tired, tired.

You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think?

Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.