I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.

I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.