Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement.

Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.

There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that.

If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself to relax and not worry about things happening right away. That's a mistake a lot of people make - they think a year is a long time and it's really not.

The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.