I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I'd like to think I'm a little more memorable or specific now. People laugh at me in a way they wouldn't laugh at another comedian, rather than being like, "Okay, who's the next joke-slinger? Give me some jokes so I may laugh and go about my day!"

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.

Of course, the world is different now. There's a glut of comedians with specials, so it's just not possible to make an impact the way Bill Cosby: Himself did. It's like, The Beatles were amazing, but it also helped that not many bands were putting out albums then.

Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.