If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.

I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.

If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited.