If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.

If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself to relax and not worry about things happening right away. That's a mistake a lot of people make - they think a year is a long time and it's really not.

There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.