It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?

How could you deal with a creature as devious as woman.

Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.

Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.