Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.
Christopher MooreShe knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.
Christopher MooreA womanโs magazine quiz: Question: You decide to do the dread deed and just as things are starting to get hot he comes, rolls over, and asks, โWas it good for you?โ You: a. Say, โGod, yes! That was the best seventeen seconds of my lifeโ b. Say, โSure, as good as it gets for me with a man.โ c. Put a Certs in your navel and say, โThatโs for you, Mr. Bunnyman. You can have it on your way back up, after the job is finished
Christopher MooreWinter near the shore is cold. The wind kicks up a salty mist and elephant seals come to shore to trumpet and rut and birth their pups. Retired people put sweaters on their lap dogs and drag them down the street on retractable leashes in a nightly parade of doggy humiliation. Surfers don their wetsuits against the chill of storm waves and white sharks adjust their diets to include shrink-wrapped dude-snacks on fiberglass crackers.
Christopher MooreAdvice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [...] -Pocket
Christopher Moore