She knew it should bother her more, being evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.

People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he's always eight, and he's still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes.

Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.

Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.

You're going to break my heart, aren't you?

She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.

Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.