You don't hurry a thinker, and you don't talk to him when he's thinking. It's just inconsiderate.

Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.

Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

One day the good times had to keep on rolling, and all of life's horseshit would turn to circuses.

Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.

Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.

Words, words, words, a million million words circle in my head like hawks, waiting to dive onto the page to rend and tear the only two words I want to write. Why me?