Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say "attaboy".

If you like what you're reading, I probably wrote it.

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

Routine feeds the illusion of safety.

They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?

I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, "Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together" and make me finish in front of everyone.

It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.