My dad's full of encouragement and support. It just feels like abandonment and neglect.

Jealousy - the Auschwitz of emotions.

You know what, man? I am going to literally — if (Palin) gets elected president, I am going to hang out on the grassy knoll all the time, just loaded and ready — because you know what? It’s for my country. It’s for my country. If I got to sacrifice myself, it’s for my country.

My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.

Growing up, road trips with Dad were something I hated. Sitting still for hours, singing that stupid song, "100 bottles of beer on the wall. 100 bottles of beer..." Dad, you know, keeping up with the song.

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce... because that's what a soul weighs.

Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.