Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

Step up or step aside.

Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should. But they always work out. I'm thankful that the world's in perfect harmony at all times. Pilgrims had it tough. But now, we live in the strongest, most prosperous country in the world. And the Indians, well, you know.

Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"

Sisters ruin everything. It's in their job description.

Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.

We are brought into this world cold, weak, and helpless. Then it gets worse.