Do you know why most survivors of the Holocaust are vegan? It's because they know what it's like to be treated like an animal.

Being tired isn't the same as being rich, but most times it's close enough.

Her voice makes me think of her mouth makes me think of her breath makes me think of her breasts.

If emotion can create a physical action, then duplicating the physical action can re-create the emotion.

That’s the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell.

Think of spoiled cat food and ulcerated cankers and expired donor organs. That's how beautiful she looks.

Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes.