Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

There's a terrible dark joy when the only person who knows all your secrets is finally dead.

HELLO! Look at me. HELLO! I am so ZEN. This is BLOOD. This is NOTHING. Hello. Everything is nothing, and it's so cool to be ENLIGHTENED. Like me.

I try to tell a story the way someone would tell you a story in a bar, with the same kind of timing and pacing.

You're safe because you're so trapped inside your culture. Anything you can conceive of is fine because you can conceive of it.

Women are already born so far ahead ability-wise. The day men can give birth, that's when we can start talking about equal rights.

I suppose it’s comfort, perhaps a sense of self-control, doing worse things to yourself than the world will ever dare inflict.