Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

Sex pretty much cures everything.

You can spend your whole life building a wall of facts between you and anything real.

Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.

Waiters will always pee in soup, people will always fall in love.

The bad news is we don't have any control. The good news is we can't make any mistakes.

Yes, terrible things happen, but sometimes those terrible things - they save you.