I had some experience in dealing with people who have mental illness and depression, but I didn't see the signs in myself. I couldn't ask for help because I didn't know I needed help.

I'm trying to let winning the world championships settle in right now before I begin training again shortly. During the skating season, we skate on average 20 kilometres a day. On top of that, we're riding a lot and lifting a lot of weights.

The struggle I went through has value.

I love skating so much and I feel like every time I step out onto the ice, that's what I'm meant to do.

I am kind of like a diesel. It is the cyclist in me.

That's what is most satisfying, is having overcome that pain. Pain that is so intense that when you finish, it feels like you're going to die. That's what I wanted, and that's what I got.

Sport that consumed me for over two decades . . . is now gone. Now it's just me. No pressure, no expectations, no need to be fast, good, strong or to even improve. Yet I can't let go of this idea that I always need to be more than I am. And it is eating me alive.