If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper lip of a salmon, drag him endlessly around the water until he loses his strength, pull him to the bank, hit him on the head with a stone, and you may well become fisherman of the year. Shoot.the salmon and you'll never be asked again.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to remain a member of Boodles.