I've always had a sneaking fondness for Martin Van Buren. He wrote his autobiography, you know, and never once mentioned his wife. Now that's what I call a mans man.

I detest professional anythings but particularly professional writers. Most of them today are just garbage collectors.

Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl.

...one of the ways in which cats show happiness is by sleeping.

Have you ever heard one civilized person whose opinion you respect, at any time, anywhere, in any civilized country anywhere, say the good new days?

A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better.

I consider the 3 most cruelly produced foods to be from lobsters, dropped alive into boiling water, veal from calves separated from their mothers and kept in crates, and pate de foie gras.