In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After hearing this Donald Rumsfeld responded, 'Like he'd know.'

Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said, 'We don't give painkillers to our players. We give them to our fans.'

Dropkick Murphys, everybody! That's a band!

Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden's compound, which explains why bin Laden's last words were, 'Dude... '

Yesterday in Egypt, archaeologists discovered the burial site for the 50 children of Ramses II...Fifty children! What I want to know is, who decided to name a condom after this guy?

Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again.

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.