I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.

If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.

The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They're like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.